One of the things I am uncovering is a truth I always knew, but hardly ever executed. Help from a variety of sources… helps.
I’ll first explain that I’ve always pushed to be very independent from my family. I have very good friends but was their support when needed; I never asked for much in the way of help for myself. I never considered reading a <shudder> self-help book. I’m smart and made it 45 years by my wits and tenacity alone. Help for myself was weakness.
Turns out help is actually love in a variety of formats. Take for example this here blog. It’s my form of love for myself. I’m taking things I’ve known or thought I’ve known and actually doing them with love for myself. Documenting some of the reactions I’m having to where I am to see changes happen.
I recently finished a self-help book that in looking with an editorial eye, obviously started as one person’s words to themselves. Blog, journal or written in tears – it was a personal account of their own journey after being left by a spouse that they turned around to share. I found so much empathy and love written within that it actually helped. In fact, one point was so perfectly succinct I’m sharing here…
If I am bossy or pushy, people will be rejected by my behavior and avoid me. If I am the opposite, and let everyone push me around, then I will be unhappy and I will ultimately resent them (and myself for allowing the scenario to flourish).
Wow. That was exactly the life I’ve lived with Stephen for years. I was bossy, he was the opposite and resented me. It’s nothing deep down I don’t know but the book shared what comes next and how to find your way to solace while being alone — now and in the future. How to be better in wreckage you find yourself in so you don’t repeat your mistakes in any future relationships. It also exposed that part of me to myself clearly.
If I don’t see myself with clarity, how could I say I love myself? How can I forgive myself for my past errors if I’m constantly hard on myself and maintaining rigid independence? And if I don’t love myself, how can I give anyone else love? I can’t, no one could.
So this 98 page self-help book written by someone who is not a writer was actually helpful! It’s amazing. Without that kind guidance I don’t know I’d get to where I am as quickly. I’m not done or ready to start executing plans… but I’m finding solace and I’m forgiving myself. I’m close to being able to forgive Stephen.
My sister-in-law started a blog a while back to share how she was doing as she moved through widowhood with her three sons. (You can find her blog here if you’re interested: https://thenewdenise.com) She looks for some solace in sharing, perhaps. I get it. It’s helpful and right now, helpful helps.
Maybe one day I’ll have enough back inside me to return the help and love I’m finding in a broader capacity.
The girl who mistook her chair as a pulpit for the soles of her shoes 