Thought retreat.

So let’s look at where I am now at as a thought retreat. A resting place before the arduous tasks before me. Time to stop things I’m actively planning. The plates I’m picking up to plan how I’ll spin them on their respective poles can sit still for now. I can look at them, but they need to remain still. I need to pause and I need to find stillness.  

I need all the jumble of thoughts crowding my head to retreat. 

I’m spending the next part of my life in a small town in northern Michigan. A very far cry from downtown Chicago. It feels like someplace where one would have a retreat. I’m surrounded by beautiful nature and loving support – both here and a phone call or text away.  There’s loads of delicious food, like my mom making me homemade chicken noodle soup when I arrived. My family is embracing my desire to change and want to show me some nature hikes that will immerse me further in this lovely spot.  My mom has a spa membership she can share to support my quest to get out of this fog and get healthy. So I can stand taller and see clearer when all is said and done. 

So the concept of a thought retreat is very much how this is shaping up. 

However, when all is quiet things creep back in… those thoughts that retreat come rushing back. Unloved. Unwanted. Alone. Is this any different from downtown Chicago if I spend the day watching Netflix and wishing Stephen loved and wanted me by his side?  These are the thoughts I need to retreat from my mind. One step at a time.  

Time is going to be my new partner. Time and stillness here in my north woods retreat.

(And obviously loads of time to write down my retreating but persistent thoughts!)