So I wrote my husband a love letter detailing all the things I love about him. HIM. Not some concept of a husband. Not things I wanted or things I needed. I detailed some things he brought to the relationship that I now understand were unappreciated and unheard by me. Unfiltered and without any reservations or requirements of him.
He texted and asked me to tea. (We both quit coffee a short time ago, we aren’t that proper!) Since I am about 6+ hours away from Chicago and he’s there and working, we are speaking tonight. Not face to face as he asked but it’s something.
I am hopeful for the future. I’m not going to make demands; I have always made demands. I’ve been very demanding in our relationship but I’m prepared give and understand instead. Novel idea for me but more kind and more in line with who I want to be. And that’s hopeful regardless of the outcome.
I am going into this evening from a place of love and kindness. Let that be my guide.
Regardless of the outcome, writing out my feelings in a public arena like a blog is scary but I am going to keep going here. This process here over the single week alone has helped me more than anything so far. Being vulnerable is hard but being accountable is what I need here.
The girl who mistook her chair as a pulpit for the soles of her shoes 