So, a bit of a u-turn seems to be happening. I’m heading back to Chicago come Christmas. After speaking with Stephen a few times now, we both think things are at a point where trying again could be the right answer for us both. However, I am taking the reentry slowly and advise him to do the same. Why? Because the independence gained recently is fragile. I’m still working through things, big things. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.
Things like – what are you going to do differently today and tomorrow? Well, that’s not something I can tell anyone in advance, only when a situation needing a different solution or perspective arises. I can’t tell you RIGHT NOW how I will react to something that may have caused my anger in the future. But I can promise myself that I will always remember what anger does to me… and to my relationship. I can be angry, I know I will be angry at points to come, but I need to pause and think when it shows up. That’s what’s right for me. Stephen can only benefit from that, I believe.
Right now I can take time to think through what I want to bring back to Chicago. I can pick up a few of those plates I was thinking about spinning alone on poles and make sure I know what they are really about. I can assess my priorities (or plates in the analogy) and how to share those in a collaborative way with Stephen. Respectful and taking his opinion into account. A point of concern for me is how to get his opinion. Maybe that’s something to collaborate on, too.
I know I can survive. Next up? How to fucking thrive!
The girl who mistook her chair as a pulpit for the soles of her shoes 