You can’t unlearn something.

So I spoke with Stephen for over 2 hours and we agreed we both still loved each other. We were also both adamant that things need to be very different for any relationship between the two of us to work.  Change is needed on both sides.

My focus is on what I need for me to be happy in a relationship. I need to be involved and accountable for areas I had left solely to him for care and maintenance. I also want to find a new home and focus on that as a near term goal. (Both things that would happen for me in or out of any relationship.)

Something that seemed to cause him lingering concern was the fact that he’d arrived at a spot where he felt ok with being alone. He shared that he struggled with his decision for a while.  Thankfully he had support from friends and family and got to a place where he was ok. So then I come along and upset that apple cart. And shit, who knows if I really mean what I say!  I’m known for having a way with articulating my points and making this sound simple. All very valid concerns he shared. 

All I can say is I’m glad this happened. 

Glad for living with pain and suffering I’ve dragged out here for the world to see?  Glad I dropped everything and focused on my own growth?  Yep. I’m ecstatic that I am ok with being alone. I’m also very happy that Stephen feels that way, too. You can’t unlearn that you can survive.

I also learned that my family and friends care so much about me. I have people that will thrown down to help me up.  I have neglected these ties or only put work in when I was needed.  What an amazing bit of knowledge to have that people are there and that I can nurture those relationships in both directions. 

These are things you can only learn through this awful process of separation. And that’s a gift we’ve given ourselves and maybe even each other. Merry Christmas!