The work.

I have not been writing much and therefore sharing anything at all.  I’ve made a few posts… thought about how I felt and reread them only to find I wasn’t interested in sharing after all.  Why?  I felt like where I was when I wrote them had shifted. Everything continues to shift lately. That’s a really good thing, since the place they’ve shifted to is one of contentedness. And I’ve shared that the place of contentment isn’t always a place I can write from so nothing flows easily.

But I’m content now and sitting down to pick apart where that’s coming from.   It’s from the work. The work is something I do a lot of.

What is the work?  Its something that takes a great deal of effort some days, and none others. It’s as easy or as hard as you make it…  but if the work is around a relationship then it’s as easy or as hard as you BOTH make it.  It’s changing your perspective; it’s looking at a problem or situation from every possible angle, not just the one most comfortable to you.  (Often that’s the delicious negative one we all like to cling to!). It’s about choosing a path that’s constructive, not destructive.  

The work is hard to do on your own and almost Herculean if you’re doing it in the face of a destructive partner.  That has happened here and there, but thankfully it’s not the norm. It’s an outlier. A destructive, nasty, insecurity inducing outlier.  

After one particular situation where Stephen was destructive or really more insecure in his own way, as I saw it — I explained the work. I shared that it took a lot for me to view things in a positive way in the face of his destructiveness. I explained that what I drew upon were all the positive things that outweighed the immediate situation before me. I had to draw those memories around me like a blanket to change my view. I had to hold one after the other like a talisman. Examine each moment where I knew he loved me and showed that overtly. Each of those things added up to allow me a fresh perspective on his bullshit. I was able to see it as just that — bullshit. This is the work.  It’s hard AF. 

The downside is that every time you use a talisman you weaken it; you need to find fresh moments, strong in the memory of love and not worn thin over time. This is part of his work. Showing me these things overtly and without question.