My mother-in-law cannot stand me and I’m fine with that. One of my sister-in-laws follows suit and there’s a part of me that finds that better than fine, gleeful at her dislike comes to mind. But that’s not kind, so apologies to my readership. Let’s just set her aside, she’s irrelevant really.
The dislike from my mother-in-law started when I first met Stephen over 20 years ago. A series of events, telling outright lies about my relationship with Stephen and passive aggressive scuffles over years — all underpinned with continuous resentment at “taking her son away” — made for super fun times together with his family. I could write things about her behavior that would make most people’s toes curl. (I’ve horrified people with her exploits, trust me.)
But she is not my problem to solve. It is her responsibility to deal with her feelings and results from her actions. If she wants to stew and lie and share intimate details her son opened up to her about, she can and has proven she will.
My feelings for her now are simply that she’s the mother of my husband and he is welcome to bring whatever he would like from his family dynamics to his and my future relationship. I have always brought things from my family to our relationship. Some he may have even found annoying to deal with, I bet.
If he were close to her, I would deal with her blatant disrespect more. I would have to, it’s just who I am. But as it stands, she hadn’t been a frequent issue except to occasionally highlight that Stephen would let the disrespect to his wife stand, but he avoids conflict at every turn. This is not a new action or isolated issue. He does that. I love him, faults and all.
I would stand up for myself if I needed to at this point in my life, no worries there. I’m not a 22 year old who is trying to make my way in a new relationship or marriage. I’m solid in who I am and in what bullshit I’ll put up with from anyone.
The concern and reason for open contemplation here is the burden Stephen feels from the strife and the toll it’s taken on our relationship. I’ve been vocal about how her disrespect hurt me over the years, how I could not believe someone of her age and a mother would behave in such a ridiculous and immature manner. That’s not something he needs added to his own plate by me. It’s his mother – so how he deals with it is up to him.
But since he shared our separation with her, things are heating up for him. Throw in contemplating reconciliation and she’s not going to go quietly. She’s also not going to be happy overall and possibly in the future with me there. Unfortunately Stephen will have to deal with most of the fall out on that end.
My empathy goes out to him, but my actions are to remain calm and out of it. Unless he needs and asks for my help. Or a shoulder to lean on. Whatever. Those things I will give freely and kindly.
The girl who mistook her chair as a pulpit for the soles of her shoes 