Tag: separation

Reconciliation ain’t for wusses…



This is not easy, yet it’s easier than I expected in many ways.  The easy parts are all coming from the sense of peace and direction I’ve been able to eek out for myself. It’s easy because it doesn’t change no matter the weather, the turbulence I run into. It could, but a strong sense of purpose for myself is instrumental in my self direction.

We are both struggling here or there, but have a clear purpose together. There are some major things we need to break down and rebuild. But both being committed to each other, and each other’s wellbeing is a good place to land.

Masks are useful… and terrible.

Something I encountered as I started to open up with friends and family was a level of incredulousness at the fact that Stephen and I were not the perfect couple.  We had masks we wore and we played our part for others very well.  Too well.  

But something was rotten in the state of Denmark. 

Holding a facade together with such tightness and skill took a lot from both of us. I’m sure he would agree. But the work we put into keeping up the facade took so much energy that there was little left to fix the foundational issues. What was left was the artifices of a relationship. 

A while back, Stephen expressed interest in putting work in fixing the facade as a priority.  I was interested in putting in the work to the foundation only.  We were at cross purposes entirely, both righteous and looking out for what we thought was best. 

Turns out we needed to demolish the whole damned structure; maybe now we pull out anything salvageable. Then we decide if we want to rebuild something all together new, and if we include the salvaged pieces from the last 21 years.  I think and believe that’s the right path forward.